Sunday, September 5, 2010

Restoring Relationships After Infidelity



One of the most devastating experiences in a relationship is infidelity. Whether it was emotional or physical, one time or many, the issue of broken trust and violated commitments can create deep wounds. It is important for both partners to take action toward honesty, restoration, and healing. The healing process can take two very different pathways. One pathway is when you and your partner are trying to save the relationship and the other is when you are trying to heal after the break-up.

If you are trying to save the relationship or marriage after your partner has been unfaithful, here are a few key pointers from a mental health perspective: (A future blog will address healing from infidelity when the relationship is over.)

1. The unfaithful partner must be willing to cut off the affair and do the work required to regain your trust. You can not heal from a wound that continues to be deepened by on-going infidelity. To move forward, the affair needs to be in the past.

2. When someone has broken your trust, you will likely have a range of feelings, including but not limited to anger, sadness, frustration, fear, and numbness. It is important that you and your partner recognize that this is normal and healthy.

3. You both must recognize that restoration will take a lot of time and effort. There will be reminders or triggers that bring the pain back. There will be ups and downs and times where you feel things are going backward. You both will need to have patience with the process.

4. The unfaithful partner needs to take responsibility for the choices he or she has made. It is inadequate and immature to simply blame your partner or the person with whom you had the affair. While issues in the marriage may have contributed to relationship difficulties in the end the unfaithful partner made a choice – a choice that was a violation of trust and the emotional as well as physical safety of the partner. The partner who was unfaithful needs to do some serious soul searching about the choices they have made and then take action to increase accountability and trustworthiness.

5. While some partners don’t want to know any details, if you do want to know any details you should ask your partner. Unanswered questions and pressure to quickly press fast forward can increase feelings of distrust and distress. While facing the realities of the infidelity, you should also both go and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. A part of facing the truth is facing the truth about the fact that your physical health has been compromised.

6. Both partners will have to work to rebuild the relationship. You will both need to work on your individual concerns as well as any issues within the relationship. To assist in this process, you may find it helpful to speak with a professional counselor.

7. The person who has been cheated on should express what they need from their partner to assist in the restoration. While you want the partner who was unfaithful to take initiative, if you need something and don’t share it, you can set yourself up for further disappointment and set your partner up for frustration and feelings of hopelessness.

8. Forgiveness is an important component of the recovery process but it is not the first step. When people feel forced by their partner or an internal moral code to quickly forgive, it is often premature and not authentic. You need to allow space and time to work toward forgiveness so that it will be sincere. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what happened doesn’t matter it means that while it hurt you are ready to turn the page and work toward the future.

9. Spend time together doing things besides talking about the infidelity. If you want to have something to work toward, you will need to see that the two of you can build something that is more positive than the wounds of the past.

10. Be honest about the positive and negative aspects of the relationship. We can often fall into two traps. Either we idealize the relationship and fight for something that was never good for us or we may see everything through the lens of the infidelity and forgot about the good things about our partner and our relationship. You should both be honest with yourselves and each other about what needs to be fixed and what should be celebrated.

Healing and restoration are possible but you have to both want it and be willing to work for it.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your "suggestions" have caused more conflict in my marriage than the actual affair. Your "suggestions" have undermined everything our counselor has been trying to teach us. Even though you know nothing about us and our counselor knows every intimate detail, my husband will no longer go with me to counseling because of you. EVERY situation is different and EVERY affair is different. You have generalized every affair as being equal. It's been three years now since the affair. I've said I'm sorry, asked for forgiveness, I have done all that he has asked EXCEPT given him details and have cut ALL ties with that person. However, I am now suffering extreme emotional abuse and extreme punishment because my husband read your "suggestions". I hope your website has helped someone because, it's only hindered the healing in our relationship.

Anonymous said...

To the woman above who cheated on her husband:

I was the betrayed party. My husband and I didn't start the healing process right away because he wouldn't cut ALL ties with the woman he was seeing. That is one of the things that hurts most about the affair. His emotional ties were strong enough with her that he would not stop talking to her. He, also, would not give me all details. Or any details he did give was not wanted by me. I wanted details because I wanted to know how serious it was. I wanted to know if my mind was creating a more romantic relationship than it was. And because he didn't tell me, I made up scenarios.

Any way, the above article helped me. Once my husband was willing to put forth the work and the honesty.

It wasn't her article but perhaps the way you conducted or interpreted her article. Also, how do you expect for your husband to fully heal when you won't put forth the full effort into your relationship? If he didn't eventually cut all ties with that person, I would have left him.

Unknown said...

I want to say thank you to Madu Temple for all the good things they have done for me,Though am not sure if this is the best forum to post this but i cant hide my happiness and my Joy so i have to share it with people my marriage got crashed about two years ago and tried all i could within my power but to no avail i saw a post and testimonial about the good things Madu Temple has been doing to help relationships so i decided to give it a trial though they are always busy but when i got a response back to my e mail, they gave me 5 to 6 hours for my marriage to be restored i am happy since then and i am living happily again i am so grateful Madu Temple you can always e mail them here: maduutemple@gmail.com .

Vivian said...

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Answer said...


VICTORIA :i never believe there will ever be a solution to my relationship problem with my lover. my lover called CARLOS threw me out of his house and brought in another lady who he now feels is the only best lady for him. until one day i receive a phone call from a friend in the city that my man is going out on a date with another woman in town, i told her i am also surprise too, because since CARLOS has left me he hardly think nor call me. so after some few days my friend named Martha called me and told me that she has found a man that is very powerful, and he is a great spell caster from Africa, truly we all knows that Africans are blessed with so much powers which they use in helping people, so he told me that the man name is Dr. Barasa, that she will forward his email address barasatemple@gmail.com for me so that i can contact him for help, he mailed me after a great while that my man will be back to me if only i believe in his work,so after 72hrs i receive a phone call from CARLOS, and he started begging that i should please forgive him against all he had done to me.. he begged me of breaking my heart . he promise me never to let go. now i and CARLOS my love are now planning to get married as soon as possible. we have been brought back with the great powerful love spell and binded with Dr. Barasa spell, we are happy and glad. so i thank him so much for the great help he offered to me, because i think today this might be the only ways and means i can ever thank him for his work by posting of his good works. i am glad. you can contact him for a love spell today at barasatemple@gmail.com
his contact number is +2347060595685

Anonymous said...

I want to thank Dr.Agbazara for his job in my family, this is man who left me and the kids for another woman without any good reasons, i was pain and confuse,till one day when i was browsing through the internet with my computer then i saw Dr.Agbazara contact, then i contaced him and he help me cast a reunion spell, since I then the situation has changed, everything is moving well, my husband who left me is now back to his family. reach DR.AGBAZARA TEMPLE via email if you have any relationship problem at:

( agbazara@gmail.com )
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Anonymous said...

My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but i decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then i went online there i saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is Akwukespiritualtemple@gmail.com so i had to contact him and in just 2days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to.I cant thank the spell caster enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful. I even spoke to the spell caster over the phone, to confirm his existence. His email again is:Akwukespiritualtemple@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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I want to tell all the women out there who have a similar situatio like that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact Dr Alexzander, here is how you can contact him alexzanderhightemple@gmail.com Or Contact him via his whats-app number +2348075823891.
Thank Dr Alexzander for everything you did in my marriage.
Thanks
Caroline Grilli

Unknown said...

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Unknown said...






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Anonymous said...

I am so glad to be on this site today in other to express myself to the world because i made a promise to Dr.Mack that if he grants me my heart desire that i am going to make sure that the world knows about his powers.. My lover left me nine weeks ago after searching for solution all over i came across Dr.Mack and i was convinced with what i read about Dr.Mack. So i contacted Dr.Mack for help, With my greatest surprise my lover came back to me within 48 hours.. Once again don’t forget Dr.Mack contact details which are "DR_MACK@YAHOO.COM" i am so glad that i met you.

Anonymous said...

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Unknown said...

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Unknown said...

Hello my name is Janice, I was with a man for years, a man whom I believed was the one for me, turned out, and he wasn’t, the other 3 woman he had on the side seemed to be perfect for him. I was uninterested in men and love, I lost touch with the outside world, until I tried your service. I refused to feel the way I did when he stomped on my heart. I had a faithful and committed spell casted and I must say I am happily engaged to a man whom I love and he tells me everyday how he adores me. Happy and in love, Germany.
you can also contact the spell caster ;


drgarbonspellhome@gmail.com,


whatsapp; +2348168745537

maria said...

I am very happy today with my family. My name is rose sarah living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jude a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email liberationlovespell@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without steress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (liberationlovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on his whatsapp mobile line +2348034062173

maria said...

I am very happy today with my family. My name is rose sarah living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jude a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email liberationlovespell@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without steress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (liberationlovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on his whatsapp mobile line +2348034062173

maria said...


I am very happy today with my family. My name is rose sarah living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jude a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email liberationlovespell@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without steress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (liberationlovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on his whatsapp mobile line +2348034062173




maria said...



I am very happy today with my family. My name is rose sarah living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jude a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email liberationlovespell@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without steress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (liberationlovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on his whatsapp mobile line +2348034062173

carolina peter said...

This is the most wonderful thing i have ever experienced. I visited here online on the 17 June and i saw a marvelous testimony of Tracie Adana from United States on the forum about the good works DR.tunde I never believed it, because have never heard anything about such miracle before. No body would have been able to convince me about it not until DR.tunde did a marvelous work for me that restored my marriage of 4 years by getting back my husband back i just as i read on the internet. I'm Carolina peter I was truly shocked when my husband knelt down pleading for forgiveness to accept him back. I am really short of words to use to show my appreciation to DR.tunde For his a God sent to me and my entire family for divine restoration of my marriage. Contact him now for any kind of help via Email:babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com or you can contact his whats app mobile line +2348143581382 Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE.

maria said...


I am very happy today with my family. My name is rose sarah living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jude a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email liberationlovespell@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without steress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (liberationlovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on his whatsapp mobile line +2348034062173


maria said...


I am very happy today with my family. My name is rose sarah living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jude a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email liberationlovespell@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without steress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (liberationlovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on his whatsapp mobile line +2348034062173




sharon said...



How I Got My Ex Husband Back........... My Names is sharon ,AM from United states .i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in June last year on a business summit i meet a man called Dr ODIN, is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love s gone misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job i m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 4 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 3 year i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and in 6 days when i returned to taxes my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married i didn't believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help his email address: drodintemple3523@gmail.com WHATSAPP; +971552789067

Adams Vera said...

I want to let the world know about Doctor Osasu the Great spell caster that brought back my husband to me when i thought all hope was lost. Doctor Osasu used his powerful spell to put a smile on my face by bringing back my man with his spell, at first i thought i was dreaming when my husband came back to me on his knees begging me to forgive him and accept him back and even since then he loves me more than i ever expected so i made a vow to my self the i will let the World know about Doctor Osasu because he is a God on earth. Do you have problems in your relationship ? have your partner broke up with you and you still love and want him back ? Do you have problem with your finance ? or do you need help of any kind then contact Doctor Osasu today for i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you just as he helped me. Doctor Osasu email is: drosasu25@gmail.com or add him on whasapp +2347064365391

Adams Vera said...

I want to let the world know about Doctor Osasu the Great spell caster that brought back my husband to me when i thought all hope was lost. Doctor Osasu used his powerful spell to put a smile on my face by bringing back my man with his spell, at first i thought i was dreaming when my husband came back to me on his knees begging me to forgive him and accept him back and even since then he loves me more than i ever expected so i made a vow to my self the i will let the World know about Doctor Osasu because he is a God on earth. Do you have problems in your relationship ? have your partner broke up with you and you still love and want him back ? Do you have problem with your finance ? or do you need help of any kind then contact Doctor Osasu today for i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you just as he helped me. Doctor Osasu email is: drosasu25@gmail.com or add him on whasapp +2347064365391

brendaharri77@gmail.com said...

Hello I'm From Memphis Tennessee, USA I feel so joyful today because of the help Dr Sunny has rendered to me for getting my Husband back with his spell. I have been married for 4 years and it has been so terrible because my husband was cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce. But when i came across Dr Sunny Email, on the internet posted by a lady, i decided to get in touch with him and i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case for there is no problem without a solution. Here i am celebrating because my Husband is back home and am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr Sunny is truly a real spell caster. Why not contact Dr Sunny now if you are facing any challenges in your relationship life. Email solutioncentre911@gmail.com Also specialize i 1) love Spell2) Pregnancy Spell
3) Divorce Spell
4) Marriage Spell
5) Healing Spell
6) Spell for Break
7) Money Spell
8.) You want to be promoted in your office
9) you want to satisfy your lover
contact this great man if you have a problem for a lasting solution Through Email: solutioncentre911@gmail.com

Elizabeth Wong said...

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mark rosemary said...

Hello everyone i want testify how DR OKOLO the spell cast saved my marriage After being in relationship with my husband for
years, he broke up with me. I did everything within my reach to bring him
back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I
had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused.
I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather
contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back ,
I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster, and he assured
me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before three days.
He cast the spell and surprisingly on the second day, my husband called me.
I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so
sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He
also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how
we started living together happily again. The spell casters email is :
drokolosolutioncenter@gmail.com. You can email him if you need his assistance in
your relationship or any other Case. Or WhatApp him on+2348155333384

1) Love Spells
2) Lost Love Spells
3) Divorce Spells
4) Marriage Spells
5) Binding Spell.
6) Breakup Spells
7) Banish a past Lover
8.) You want to be promoted in your office/ Lottery spell
9) want to satisfy your lover (10) Death spell
Contact this great man if you are having any problem for a lasting solution
through drokolosolutioncenter@gmail.com  

Rebecca Eller said...

Spell to fix your broken marriage or relationship problem or after a divorce or Breakup,I was recently scam by two of them, until one faithful day i meet a man called Dr Oselumen who help me to get back to the father of my kid after we have been separated for two years,I only pay for the items required for the spell and he cast the spell for me within 24hours my ex husband called me and beg me to forgive him for everything until the end of the world he will never leave me again we are back together.if you need a real and quick love spell or you are passing through pregnancy problem Dr Oselumen is the answer, Pleas e if any body needs. LOVE SPELL,LOTTERY,PREGNANCY SPELL, DIVORCE SPELL,STOP COURT CASE AND WIN ANY COURT PROBLEM,DEATH SPELL,BUSINESS SPELL AND MANY MORE YOU MAY NEED. Email him now for your own help. via email droselumen@gmail.com add him on whatsapp line or call +2348054265852. 

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Tamara Barrow said...

WOW!! This is the most wonderful thing i have ever experience and i need to share this great testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 8TH MATCH 2020, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called Dr voodoo on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard or learn anything about magic before.. No body would have been able to convince me about magical spells, not until Dr voodoo did a marvelous work for me and restored my marriage of 6 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly flabbergasted and shocked when my husband kneel down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of words and joy, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you Dr voodoo you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his email voodoospelltemple66@gmail.com you can also add Dr.voodoo on whatsApp +2348140120719

Tamara Barrow said...

The doctors said Herpes virus do not have medical cure because the virus is capable of hiding within the human cells, it remains protected from your immune system. Herpes isn’t a special virus – your immune system has the tools to fight it back. But because it is able to lay dormant in protected cells, your immune system is unable to remove it from your body,But with strong reactive herbal medication is capable of getting rid of the virus gradually and totally from your body without damaging any of your cells,natural herbs kills the virus totally not just reducing the out break. Get natural herbs cure Email DR. VOODOO at voodoospelltemple66@gmail.com Add Dr voodoo on whatsApp +2348140120719

blogger said...

I saw a comment here a few weeks ago about Dr Agbazara and i decided to contact him as instructed, thanks to this man for bringing joy to me as wished for. i followed instructions which he gave in other to get my lover back who left me and the kids for 3years now, but thanks to Dr Agbazara because they are back to me now for good and we are happy together. please do contact him for help too if in relationship problem via email at: ( agbazara@gmail.com ) OR Via WhatsApp on: ( +2348104102662 ). And testify for yourself.  

Unknown said...

I am so proud and happy to be out here sharing this remarkable testimony, awesome and extraordinary, I just can’t believe this now my ex Husband is really back to me on his knees begging me to take him back and he was feeling regretful and sorry for leaving me and for causing me pains after the divorce which occurred 5 Months ago. And this whole miracle happened after i contacted Dr tunde for help, I am the happiest woman today in this whole wide world. It’s a miracle and everlasting pleasure and cheerfulness for me and my family today.. I am so happy now and i don’t know how much to convey my thankfulness and appreciation to Dr tunde, contact Dr tunde if you need urgent help now because its guaranteed that he will help Email:babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com or you can reach him on via WhatsApp mobile number +2348143581382

Gehard said...

Experience report on herpes treatment
I have been diagnosed with genital herpes for 2 years and am looking for a cure. I read a testimony on this platform from a woman who was cured of diabetes with Doctor Ahmed Usman Herbal Medicine, including the doctor's official email address. I contacted the doctor through his email, after much discussion and some questions he prepared herbal medicine and asked for my address. 3 days later, I received the herbal medicine and with his prescription, I drank the herbal medicine for 21 days. After I finished herbal medicine, I went for a test and my IgG result was confirmed negative with no virus found in my blood. Contact Doctor Ahmed and let yourself be cured. email him at; drahmedusman5104 @ gmail. com or send him a WhatsApp SMS +14436204203. He has herbal remedies for diabetes, hepatitis

Ruth Maris said...

All thanks to Dr Alli for curing my herpes virus/hpv with his herbal medicine, i do not have much to say but with all my life i will forever be grateful to him and God Almighty for using Dr Alli to reach me when i thought it was all over, today i am happy with my life again after the medical doctor have confirmed my HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS / HPV of 5 is gone,i have never in my life believed that HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS could be cured by herbal medicine. so i want to use this means to reach other persons who have this disease by testifying the power of Dr Alli that all hope is not lost yet, try and contact him by any means for any kind of disease with his email: ( Allispellhelp1@gmail.com ) or his whatsapp number +2348100772528 and get your healing