Thursday, August 27, 2009
For a relationship to be healthy, the individuals involved have to be healthy. If you find yourself in patterns of dysfunction, it may be a good time to take a break from trying to fine the one and focus instead on developing yourself. Our past struggles and challenges have an impact on how we see others and ourselves. So instead of trying to find our value through another person, we should first work to come to a place of happiness and peace within ourselves. If you are feeling unworthy, insecure, afraid, unattractive, or powerless, you are going to attract people whose brokenness makes them attracted to broken people. If you feel all you have to offer is your body or your money, you are going to attract people who don’t see all that you have to offer. Being a good partner requires first believing you are a good person. Once you have done your healing work, then you are ready to bring your light and joy into the life of another light bringer. In other words, your partner should not be your project or your mission. A life partner, a love partner is an equal who you respect and love as they currently exist.
Along with being a healthy person, each of us has to work on our communication if we are going to have a healthy relationship. While it is wonderful when people know you well, it is also unfair to expect people to read our minds all of the time. Relationships require that we relate and communicate our hopes, dreams, fear, plans, needs, and wants. Open the lines of communication about goals, finances, family, expectations, sorrows, joys, and intimacy. Now all of this information is not for the first date, but for the relationship to grow you have to move from surface conversations to a place of deeper connection and knowing.
A healthy relationship is also based on mutual love and respect. It is not a one-sided partnership. Both people have to be invested for it to work. The person you choose to spend your time with should be someone who lifts you up and doesn’t pull you down. A relationship built on respect has no space for abuse, manipulation, intimidation, or violence. Respect is about appreciation and affirmation. We should seek to bring out the best in ourselves and each other. The way we treat each other and talk to each other should start from a place of mutual love and respect.
Finally and of great importance, healthy relationships have joy. Bring the joy into your relationship with moments of pleasant surprises, laughter, affection, and celebration. The world is full of things and people that will create chaos and drama. Aim to bring joy into each other’s lives with random acts of kindness and funny moments of absolute freedom. While you have to be willing to work at your relationship, there needs to be moments of lightness, fun, and peace to remind you both that the relationship is more than worth the investment.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Greetings dream seekers and visionaries. There are three important keys to manifesting your dreams. First you have to allow yourself to dream and when I say “dream”, I mean setting a specific goal that is larger than your current circumstance. Dreaming or goal setting requires vision and faith. Trusting that your life experience can be more than it is right now. This step alone is revolutionary. There are so many messages we receive from people around us, the media, and the inner voice of fear that seduce us into settling for the mediocre. Your life experience will not change, until you free yourself to dream again – to believe again that more is possible. Simply stating, “I want a good life” is a start but you have to get specific. What would a good life look like to you? Begin to draw in the details. A building is only built after the architect develops a design. A film is not shot until the filmmaker has story boards or pictures or what the story would look like when told visually. You need to be able to articulate what you want? What do you desire to be and to do? Your life is a canvas. What is the picture you would like to draw with your days?
Once you have the dream or the goal the next step is to take a step and then another step. Dreams without action remain dreams. To see manifestation you must do more than wish and wait for it to appear. You need to research, strategize, study, implement, and re-assess as you go along. Most people who are considered over night successes have spent many seasons in preparation for the moment you see them “arrive”. Begin to invest in your dream. Your investment of time and resources will inspire others to take your dream seriously. Many people say what they are going to do but as the Chinese Proverb says, “Talk does not cook the rice.” You have to move from talking about your goals to making them happen. Determine today at least one thing you can do to further your goal. Take a class, research on-line, talk to someone who has done something similar, or practice your craft.
The third key to manifesting your dreams is perseverance. Anyone who has a dream must be prepared for obstacles. There will be barriers, mountains, doubters, and challenges. This is a guarantee. Dream manifestation or goal attainment requires a can-do spirit regardless of the circumstance. When some people see storm clouds, they stay home. Staying where you are is safe but is that what you really want to do? When you are facing a brick wall remind yourself of the dream, the vision, and the possibility. If it is where your passion lies, continue to press for it. Find people and things that feed your spirit, encourage your heart, and nurture your soul. When you face a set-back, take time to learn from the experience and then dust yourself and determine to move forward. A dream deferred is not a dream denied. Achievement is within reach but you will have to stretch.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This is a good season to get your house in order. Not just your physical house but your life. We have to get rid of the old way of thinking to make room for new visions and opportunities. We have to de-clutter our space, relationships, conversation, habits, and thoughts. If you are ready to move to the next level, if you want growth and increase, there are some things you need to clean up. Clean and therapeutically design your home, car, and office so they can become places where you can breathe, reflect, and imagine. You deserve a clean environment.
But it doesn’t stop with your physical space, clean out your thinking. Letting go of shame, guilt, anger, and fear will create space for confidence, self esteem, peace of mind, and courage. Cleaning the inside takes effort and commitment, just like cleaning the outside. We also know that cleaning the outside is a continuous process. We would never say, “Oh I cleaned the bath tub last month. It’s clean.” Transforming our way of thinking takes constant maintenance. Old habits are difficult but not impossible to change. When the old, negative way of thinking pops into your mind, interrupt it, challenge it, and give yourself a clean slate and a fresh start.
Not only do we need to clean our physical space and mental space, we also need to clean up our relationships. Often we are in cycles of dysfunction, where the people may change but the pattern remains the same. Take an honest look at your relationships including the type of people you are drawn to and the nature of the relationships. Whatever is not edifying is destructive. It is better to have a few quality relationships than to be surrounded by people who bring negativity and drama into your life. Clean it up.
We also have to clean up our relationship with our bodies. When depression begins to weigh on us, it is often reflected in our neglect of ourselves. Whether it is your hygiene or the need to make the doctor’s appointment you have been putting off, make your physical health a priority in this cleansing season. Clean up habits of over-eating, lack of exercise, and living off of vending machines and fast food. Clean up addictions to caffeine, cigarettes, alcohol, and other drugs. When we are committed to cleaning up our lives, we are willing to seek and receive help. Some cleaning jobs are too large to try to handle alone but you can do it by reaching out for help.
Finally it is time to clean up our finances. We can not afford to continue living off of credit. We can not continue to think not opening bills will make them disappear. We can not continue to live without a plan for our future. Clean it up. Determine how much you owe and create a plan to pay it. Create a budget for clarity and peace of mind. Create and act on a plan that will increase your streams of income.
Clutter promotes stress in every area of our lives. Stress takes energy away from our goals and purpose. De-clutter and cleanse your internal and external world. You deserve a healthier, happier life and the change begins with you.