Heal Your Relationship With Money

The way you think and feel about money creates and sustains financial habits that can benefit you or harm you. Take a moment to think about the messages you learned growing up about money. Did your parents or guardians demonstrate to you materialism, greed, generosity, or good budgeting? Regardless of how much money you earn, your decisions can waste or maximize your resources. Let’s consider some of the money mindsets that need to be healed.

First there are those of us who feel that possessions determine our self worth. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, no amount of name brand clothing, shoes, or jewelry will fill our inner void. When we look for indicators of financial wealth to validate who we are as people, we end up spending money we don’t have to impress people we don’t know. We sometimes see this on college campuses where students who come from the most financial need are often the best dressed. In those instances, we are trying to avoid the appearance of poverty. We want to prove we belong and look for the outer appearance to give us credibility. Another example is when everything is falling a part in our lives and we do retail therapy. We go and buy things for the temporary happiness, not realizing that our true emptiness has not been addressed. We have to begin to place priority on working on the inner person before dressing the outer person. We have to begin to put our financial priorities in line with our life priorities. We have to decide if we want to look like a million bucks while being miserable or do we want to invest our resources in things that will actually transform our lives for the better.

Another money mindset difficulty is found in those of us who have inherited a sense of guilt about success. It is not horrible to have money, wealth, or status. The issue is what we do with what we have. Are we greedy or generous? Are we arrogant or kind? For those who grew up without or who grew up with religious teachings that equated wealth with sin, you may have mixed feelings about obtaining financial success. You may feel that you have somehow left behind your community, your family, or your sense of who you are. You do not have to sabotage your success in other to “keep it real” or in order to be a good person. You can be an authentic, appreciative, socially conscious, compassionate person of financial success if you make those your life values and commit to them. Recognize the opportunity and privileges that have been given to you and pass on the blessing to others through resources, information, and your time. What you have doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone else. You dictate your worth by the way you live your life.

One more money mindset challenge is one that is dominated by emotional distress. When I let fear dictate my money habits, I have to hoard my possessions and can never share. When I let shame dictate my money habits, I feel unworthy of nice things and so, even when I can afford to make other decisions, I live in and dress in conditions that re-affirm my shame. When I let denial dominate my money habits, I do not open my bills and refuse to make a budget. We have to come to a place of affirmation. When we approach our finances from a place of empowerment, discipline, and esteem, we can live with greater financial freedom.