Dealing with Difficult People

Whether the difficult people in your life are co-workers, family, or unreliable friends, you have to take responsibility for your well-being. It is often said, we can’t control the actions of others but we do have a say in how we respond. To be honest, difficult people can cause stress, confusion, anger, disappointment, frustration, and irritation. When we are not careful, we can allow difficult people to bring us to a place where we are out of character, out of integrity, and out of control. It is very important that we develop skills and strategies that promote our mental health, clarity, and empowerment. Here are a few pointers:

1. Acknowledge that the person is bringing confusion and drama into your life. At some point we have to acknowledge the elephant in the room, be clear about not making or accepting excuses, and see people for who they are. Knowledge is power and when we operate from a place of denial we surrender our power. So the first step is to be honest with yourself about the person and the difficulty that they create.

2. Try to hear the person out so you can distinguish reality from drama, truth from lies, and helpful feedback from hateration. The reality is sometimes even negative people may have an honest issue. So instead of dismissing everything they say, listen first to determine if their comments have any value.

3. If you determine the person is just bringing chaos and drama, ignore them, shut it down, and end the conversation. When you argue with difficult people, the confusion and anger gets magnified. You don’t have to try to convince them of anything, especially if they make it clear that they are willing to hear you out. Boundaries are an important sign of self respect so you should love and respect yourself enough to avoid entertaining people whose intentions are to harm or hinder you.

4. When the person continues to cross the line, you should truly consider taking an action. Determine the safest and most effective strategy. This may be confronting the person about their behavior, documenting what is happening, filing a report, pressing charges, obtaining a restraining order, or asking someone to mediate the situation. You don’t have to handle it alone and honestly some people when ignored begin to escalate their negative behavior. Your safety, emotionally and physically, are important so don’t let fear or pride keep you from asking for help.

5. Be aware that forgiving doesn’t have to always mean forgetting. From your moral, religious, spiritual, or personal code you may find it important to forgive people. Forgiveness can be a gift to yourself and others but you also don’t want to pretend a character issue doesn’t exist and as a result become vulnerable to continuous violation and disrespect. So while you may choose to forgive, you should also remain observant to determine if the person has truly grown to the place where they deserve the trust of close friendship.

6. Finally make sure to engage in activities to take care of yourself. You may need to reduce or eliminate contact with the person. You should also engage in activities that affirm you, inspire you, and nurture you. The stress and drama can weigh you down so be intentional about making your mental health a priority.

We all encounter difficult people but don’t forget you still have choices you can make to protect your peace of mind.