Dealing with Anger

Anger is a healthy emotion that can sometimes be expressed in unhealthy ways. Some of us are consumed with anger and we have aggressive outbursts while others of us swallow our anger and it eats us up on the inside. Anger is a feeling that can range from mild irritation to intense rage. It is a natural response to situations where we feel threatened, harmed, wronged, or disrespected. We may also become angry when we feel another person is being threatened or harmed. Sometimes we may become angry with ourselves or with issues that we feel are blocking our desires or goals.

While some of us have been taught from family, cultural, or religious teachings that anger is unacceptable, it is important to know that anger is healthy when it is expressed in a healthy way. When something unjust has occurred it is natural to become angry about it. We just have to make sure that we use the outrage to motivate us in a positive way and not in a way that does harm to ourselves or to others.

Many of us have only seen violent anger so we avoid anger at all costs. The price for this is hefty and weighs us down emotionally. From a mental health perspective it is important that we learn to express our anger instead of either denying it or allowing it to lead to explosive outbursts.

1. Seek to avoid destructive anger. Destructive expressions of anger are abusive, out of control, shame inducing, or violent. Examples of this can include hitting a person, destroying their property, stalking, seeking revenge, and verbal assaults in person or on-line. Destructive expressions of anger can lead to loss of relationships, loss of employment, loss of self respect, and loss of perspective.

2. Acknowledge and understand your anger. Denial is not healthy. When we don’t allow ourselves to be aware of and express our anger, if it finally comes out it is often intense and out of control. This is demonstrated when we sit on issues for years and then when the person does one additional small thing we blow up with the rage that has been mounting for a long time. This is not a healthy or effective strategy for handling difficulties. You need to be honest with yourself about the fact that you are angry and then determine the real source of your anger. Is the anger in part masking fear, disappointment, sadness, or insecurity? Is the anger truly at the person you are directing it toward or is it really about something else? To heal it you have to face it. To address it you have to acknowledge it.

3. Express your anger in constructive ways. Constructive outlets for anger include but are not limited to writing, talking, exercise, spiritual practice, and safe confrontation/mediation. Other constructive activities are seeking justice, promoting practical solutions, and working to prevent the circumstance from happening to others. Some final strategies people use are reducing or eliminating time with the person who provokes the anger in your life, focusing on the positive aspects to one’s current circumstance, praying, going to counseling, reading self help books, and finding the humor (not mean-spirited sarcasm) in the midst of the storm.

Get a handle on your anger. People who learn to successfully manage their anger have better communication skills, increased energy levels, strengthened relationships, improved physical and mental health, increased self esteem, more effective coping skills, and are able to see things from different perspectives. Don’t’ allow yourself to get stuck in anger. Work through it, on your own or with a counselor. By honestly dealing with your anger you can avoid emotional self sabotage. Exhale.