Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting
Parenting is a lifelong commitment that transforms lives and shapes future generations. It is very challenging to be an effective parent. There are so many ways that we can fall short of the goal. The key is to learn from the past and be intentional about the way we go forward. Here are a few pointers from a mental health perspective.

1. To raise a confident child, you need to build your confidence. Children pay attention to not only what we say but we do. We are important role models in our child’s lives. We often pass on our habits to our children. This includes our approach to relationships, eating, television, education, finances, coping, substances, and spirituality. Children are thinkers and will not duplicate us exactly but the way we live does have an impact. Heal your issues so you don’t pass on unhealthy habits to the next generation. Along with teaching our children important values with our words, we need to also demonstrate our values in the way we live.

2. Express your love and respect for your child with your words and actions. Tell them that you love them, that you are proud of them, and that you believe in them. Then follow up your words with actions. Spend quality time with them and let them know that you enjoy being with them. When your children feel like a burden or feel unloved they will start looking for attention in negative ways or from negative people. A child who knows what love and respect feel like will go into the world knowing they have value instead of constantly feeling defeated or unworthy.

3. Set your children up for success. Develop their talents and skills by teaching them what you know and getting them involved in programs that build on their abilities. When we leave our children’s development up to other adults like teachers, we miss an important opportunity to invest in the success of our children. It is also important that you not burden your children with the belief that they have to fulfill your dreams. Empower them to explore, recognize, and pursue their gifts, potential, and passion.

4. Be careful about who you give access to your children. Negative peer groups or abusive people are often those who have had free unmonitored access to our children. Pay attention to warning signs and honor your children by making their safety a priority. There may be things that you miss initially but you have a responsibility to take action as soon as you become aware of the situation. With your response you communicate to your child that they deserve respect and safety. This also applies to our behavior. If you are engaging in unhealthy behaviors this also can put your child at risk. Consider the changes you need to make in your habits, conversation, and relationships for your child to be protected and empowered.

5. Give them responsibilities. It is not appropriate to make your children into little adults or to make them the parent. However it is a good idea to give your children responsibilities or chores that are appropriate to their age. This can teach them a sense of confidence in their abilities and their role as a part of the family team.

6. Have expectations, rewards, and consequences for your child. People often perform at the level of expectation. Let your child know your expectation for their academic success, for their behavior and manners, as well as for their hygiene and self-care. Make a point of catching your child doing the right thing instead of waiting to point out their mistakes. Praise them for the good they do so they don’t equate attention with negativity. However when they do not meet expectations there should be appropriate consequences. We have to make sure the consequences are appropriate for their age and for the level of their misbehavior. When we yell about everything the child will no longer take it seriously. They will assume they can’t win. Simultaneously if you tell a child what the rules of the house are and when the rules are broken there is no response, they will also not take you seriously. Let me say clearly that there is no excuse for abuse. Hurting a child, punching a child, calling a child a derogatory name, and locking a child in a closet are not acceptable consequences regardless of their behavior. Consequences are necessary but make sure the child knows that you have not stopped loving them. Children may behave badly at times but we want to make sure they know they are not bad people.

7. Empower them to survive the storms of life. The reality is all people no matter how well they were raised will face difficulty. The key is to not allow the difficulties to define you or destroy you. Let children see how you make it through difficult times. Teach them faith, hope, and perseverance.

Keep growing and working to be the best parent you can be. Learn from what your parents or guardians did well and also remember the things you wish had been different. You can make the difference in the life of your children. Remember to also take care of your health, spiritually, mentally, and physically. When you feel good you will be better able to encourage positivity in your child. Be encouraged. Parenting is a challenge but it is also a beautiful gift.