Coping with Grief and Loss

Loss is a part of life. Over the course of our lives we experience loss of relationships, things, people, and even ways of thinking about the world. In terms of losing people, you may have lost someone as a result of natural causes, disease, homicide, or suicide. We also lose people who are still alive but our relationship with them has ended. The connection may have ended because of simply growing a part, or as a result of a violation of trust, incarceration, infidelity, or those instances when the person does not share the reason for ending the relationship. Besides losing people, we may also experience loss of a job, loss of a pet, loss of safety, loss of health, and loss of financial stability. When we don’t deal with our grief and loss, the hurt feelings can be overwhelming and can result in a number of unhealthy behaviors such as isolating ourselves from others, developing a dependence on substances for escape, or other destructive activities. Loss can also lead to a range of feelings including but not limited to anger, guilt, fear, sadness, and numbness. It is important to face your loss directly and allow yourself to work through it honestly and at your own pace. Here are a few strategies to help you:
1. Consider and celebrate the positive things the person and the relationship brought to your life.
2. Find people with whom you can talk about the person, the relationship, and your loss. You don’t have to deal with it alone.
3. There are different types of loss so seek out more information on the specific type of loss you are experiencing. There are a number of sites on-line as well as self-help books.
4. Develop a ritual - some activity that allows you to remember and honor your memories. Rituals may include silent reflection, playing music, lighting a candle, reading a poem, or going to a place that reminds you of the person.
5. Your faith, spirituality, or religion can often provide insight and affirmation for the grieving process. Consider prayer, reading an inspiring text, or talking with your religious leader as potential sources of support.
6. Most cities have a number of bereavement and loss groups. Getting support from those facing similar experiences can be quite restoring. There are groups for persons who have lost someone due to cancer, addiction, incarceration, and violence. Do some research on-line to find out what groups are occurring in your area.
7. Take care of yourself. Due to the difficult feelings we are experiencing, we sometimes start neglecting ourselves. When you don’t care of yourself, you end up feeling worse. Try to get rest, eat healthy foods, exercise, and avoid holding stress in your body.
8. When grief and sorrow do not go away, it is a good idea to speak with a mental health professional to assist you through the grieving process.
9. Give yourself time and space to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. Everyone responds to loss differently. You may cry often or you may feel the tears will never come. There is not one correct way to grieve. Instead of comparing your process to where someone else may be on the journey, honor yourself by recognizing and honestly expressing your feelings and thoughts.
10. Be aware of the “grief triggers” so you can be prepared. Examine what are the things, situations, dates, or places that remind you of the loss. In this way, you can be more equipped to work through those experiences with compassion and patience.

Remember good grief is honest grief. Be honest with yourself about where you are and where you would like to be. Then recognize that healing is a journey that requires facing our losses and not running from them. Be encouraged by knowing you don’t have to get through this alone. Remind yourself of the good memories as you hold on to the hope that there will be good life moments that you have yet to experience. This awareness will assist you in walking into the next season of your life.