Positive Thinking

We have to look honestly at the messages we tell ourselves. Our thoughts affect our feelings and our behaviors. Our lives are shaped not just by our experiences but how we think about our experiences. Negative self talk includes such statements as, “I’m stupid. I’m ugly. I can’t. No one will ever love me or understand me or respect me.” All of these messages set us up for what is called a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” These type of prophecies or predication have power because I believe certain things about myself and then I make choices that lead to these things being confirmed. For example, the belief that I am stupid can manifest in my never going to class, sitting in classes where self doubt and anxiety make it difficult for me to pay attention, or instead of studying I find myself sitting for hours daydreaming about how horrible it will be when I fail. It is not difficult to see how these thoughts and behaviors lead to more failure and therefore confirm my belief that I am stupid. In order to experience life differently, we have to start in the thought realm. We have to challenge the myths we have come to believe about ourselves.

Let’s consider another example. When I believe I am ugly I may do a number of things that either keep positive attention away or that draw negative attention. I may hide myself with too many layers of make-up. I may hide myself by always keeping my hair in my face. I may always shrink in a crowd and go right to the back corner and wonder why no one ever approaches me. On the other hand to compensate for my belief that I am ugly I may offer myself sexually to anyone and everyone or I may drink heavily when I go out or I may respond with bitterness and distrust when people do approach me or I may constantly talk in a very loud voice as I try to get people to pay attention to me. All of these things started with my belief in my unworthiness. On the other hand, we have all seen examples of people who we found attractive not because they look objectively like a super model but because of their confidence or other aspects of them that shine. While it is true that the media promotes a very narrow idea of who qualifies as beautiful, we each have to decide how much we are going to believe in their standards. This belief has a ripple effect on our lives.

So what can we do?
1. Challenge the negative beliefs you hold about yourself and begin to make an effort to see the positive.
2. Allow yourself to consider your strengths, your gifts, and your abilities.
3. Avoid circumstances and people that promote negative ideas about you.
4. Get in more positive settings and around more positive people. One positive friend is much better than a whole group of “friends” who always bring you down.
5. Fake it until you make it. Even though you may still have doubt, connect with the part of you that believes it is possible that there is goodness, beauty, wisdom, and strength within you.
6. If you have tried this and not met success, you may want to consider counseling. Many people have found it helpful to get support as they work to transform their thinking.


Overall remember there is power in the messages you tell yourself so strive to think of yourself with compassion and self-love.