Religious Silence on Domestic Violence

October was domestic violence awareness month and far too many Churches, Temples, and Mosques have allowed the month to pass without speaking out against domestic violence. As a psychologist who works with victims, offenders, and children who are affected by intimate partner violence, as well as a minister whose ministry focuses on women’s well-being, I am painfully aware of the silent acceptance of domestic violence in our sacred places. Pulpits where women are told to forgive, give over it, or learn to be more submissive have often gone unchallenged. Religious leaders have actively and passively been a part of the problem and religious leaders must accept the mantle of responsibility in preventing and intervening in cases of domestic violence.

It is unacceptable to have 52 opportunities a year to teach spiritual development and neglect teaching the fundamentals of healthy versus unhealthy relationships. It is unacceptable to tell a woman who comes in for pastoral counseling that God sends abuse to test our faith. It is unacceptable to reject a female parishioner who makes the decision to flee an abusive relationship. Much more is required of us. People’s lives literally hang in the balance. Every year in California more than 100 women are killed by current or former intimate partners. Every year, every month, every day someone is hit, punched, raped, slapped, kicked, or verbally abused by someone who claims to love them.

Silence supports the status quo and the status quo is pervasive domestic abuse. The countless victims of domestic violence include both the abused partner and their children, both of whom are more vulnerable to depression, post traumatic stress disorder, suicidal ideation, substance abuse, homelessness, injury, and anxiety. This trauma crosses gender, racial, economic, sexual orientation, and religious lines. Many people are living in fear and isolation. Every opportunity has to be made to reach them, including and especially when people make their way to religious communities.

While I am disappointed in our collective silence I am also encouraged by those who are holding up the proverbial light. While the numbers of active agents of change are small compared to the numbers of silenced sanctuaries, there are yet a growing number of religious communities that are taking a stand. This includes counseling agencies that are focused on meeting the needs of members of religious communities, ministers, rabbis, and imams who are speaking out against domestic abuse, and websites that have been created to provide resources specifically for activities that religious communities can do including hosting awareness programs, providing resource lists to members, and raising funds for domestic violence agencies. This month in Los Angeles an Interfaith Service against Domestic Violence was held to give voice and safety to the numerous survivors of faith. Through the use of prayer, poetry, song, dance, testimonies of survivors, and the reading of inspiring religious texts we took a step in shattering the silence. This was one step and there are many more ahead of us.

As we look around our religious communities, we must remember along with their souls, our members’ minds, hearts, and bodies are also sacred. Our bodies are temples and we can not sit by as they are desecrated. I encourage every religious leader to not let the year come to an end without speaking out against domestic violence. Someone may be sitting there wondering, “What must I do to be saved?”